A Stableford Story at Airways Golf
by Dr. Seuss (if he'd ever picked up a 7-iron)
The season had come! It was finally here! The first week of Airways — the best time of year!
Nine golfers showed up on that Tuesday in spring, while six stayed at home doing... some other thing.
Tom Confrey! Hermann! Chris, Len, Tom, and Dave Z! They all skipped the opener — excuses came easy.
But NINE hearty souls grabbed their clubs and their tees, and trudged to the first hole through the cool April breeze.
Now Kevin — that's Kearns — was the star of the night. Eleven whole points! What a glorious sight!
He parred number four and he parred number six, then he BIRDIED the ninth — oh, what marvelous tricks!
The only birdie all night! Not a soul got one more! He walked off that green with a three on a four.
Young Logan named Jarvis shot forty and four — the lowest raw score, and he could have had more!
He parred the first hole and he parred number nine, but he fell one point short of his target line. Fine.
Ten points out of eleven — so close, yet so far! Like a Who down in Whoville who ALMOST caught a star.
Then Kevin Gallagher came in at forty-five. He hit his target of nine and kept hope alive!
He parred hole five, and he parred seven too, and his bogeys made points — Stableford? That'll do!
Now Dave Deyette — listen! — he CRUSHED his target of four. He scored seven whole points! Three bonus — and more!
He parred six, he parred seven, two pars in a row! Then he bogeyed on eight — a brief stumble, you know.
But THEN on the ninth, Dave came back with a par! Three pars in his round — that man raised the bar!
And Bill Gallagher too beat his target with ease — seven points on a five — like a warm southern breeze.
He parred the par-four fifth hole, steady and true, and racked up five bogey points. Not bad! Woo-hoo!
Now hole SEVEN (the par-three) was the kindest of all. Three pars were recorded! Three pars! What a ball!
Dave Deyette! John Gallagher! Kevin G. as well! That little par-three cast a generous spell.
And hole five gave up pars to Bill G. and Kev G. — but holes two and three? Not a par could you see!
Not a birdie! Not par! Not from any of nine! Just doubles and triples in a long, crooked line.
Now Ted Cowles, poor Ted, had a rough one, I fear. Zero points on the night. Not a one. Zip. Oh dear.
We've ALL had those rounds where the swing goes away — it was there on the range! But it LEFT. Wouldn't stay.
And Joe Alvarez fought through a difficult nine, scraping two points from bogeys on seven and nine.
But the season is LONG! There are weeks still to play! And a goose egg in April won't ruin your May.
So here are the numbers, I'll say them out loud: ONE birdie was made by the whole golfing crowd.
Twelve pars hit the card — not too many, not none — and the doubles and triples? They had most of the fun.
So that's Week One at Airways! The season's begun! With birdies and bogeys and triples and fun.
Now pack up your bags and go polish your sticks, 'cause next week they're back — and they're bringing all tricks.
Will the six missing golfers show up? WE SHALL SEE. They'd better have reasons. Good ones. Maybe three.
The End. (For now.)
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